Monday, August 27, 2012
Goodbye, so yong, fah-well ah friends.
I haven't been posting these past slew of days because 1) We've been busy wrapping up summertime with all of that swimming and ice creaming and muumuu wearing we like to do and 2) I had a lump in my throat and didn't want to write this post. (Spoiler: Everyone's fine.)
The truth is, after much (much too much to be honest) thinking, I've decided to close up shop at BJA.
I've gone back and forth so many times; totally convincing myself it was the right thing during Monday's shower and then totally convincing myself it wasn't during Wednesday's. (I don't shower everyday, okay?) Back and forth, rinse repeat, apply conditioner liberally.
This little project here has been chugging along -- through Los Angeles days and San Francisco days, pre-engagement days and wedding planning days, honeymoon days and pregnancy days, newborn days and dog days and scary days and awesome ones -- for six (6!) years and it seems so very strange to say goodbye.
But something won't stop tapping me on shoulder: "You're done now, I think." It's just a feeling that keeps coming back.
I've made real friends over here. Friends I really hope to meet in person one day that I never would have met otherwise. I had no idea that would happen when I wrote my first post about... Ashlee Simpson's new hair color, I believe? (I miss you, Ash!) It seems almost magical that there are now people sprinkled throughout the country/world who know me and my bi'ness and send me well wishes and funny emails and homemade underwear. It makes me feel really lucky; these people got me through some very dark times.
The interesting thing, though, and one of the central reasons I'm stopping, is I feel like some of my real life relationships sometimes get funky because of what I write here. I don't mean anything crazy dramatic by that (and I'm not talking about life with cc or Harper), I just mean: When you put your life online and then tell people you know where they can read about it, things can get a little lopsided/one-sided in friendships. They know what I wore to Whole Foods last night, I have no idea where they live now. It's only normal, but I'm ready to move on from that.
I'm also ready to give HJ a bit more online privacy. I'm all over the map when it comes to my feelings about kids and the Internet, but something in my gut is telling me to step back right now.
And I'm ready to write new things, different things. I've got a new story underway that I hope to devote a lot of time to. Maybe I'll start a salty anonymous Tumblr where I can be a lot more irreverent and inappropriate. Maybe. I just know I love to write and have many little stories and words inside of me I want to put out there. Just gots to find the right how.
I'm dragging this out too long already, I know. So I'll leave it alone with this:
Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has read along and cheered along and brought me and my family such brightness and laughter and support these past six years. I'm really going to miss this cozy space of mine. It's been so good for me.
All the best, friends.